She said her name was "party"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
