All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
