thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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