I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You don't make any sense
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