He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
