What did we do last night that was yellow?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
