My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
