Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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