dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
