bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
