Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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