Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
