it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
