So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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