Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
