It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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