Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
