I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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