you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
