Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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