you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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