Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
