Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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