About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
