I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
