I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
