he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
