I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
