PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't put those talents on a resume
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
