The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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