drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
two words...techno handjob
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
