Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
