I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
