I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
