she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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