Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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