Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
