so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't deserve a penis
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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