Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize