You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
