Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I deserve this hangover.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
