Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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