I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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