I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to have your abortion
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
