I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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