So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
