i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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