i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Found the puke drawer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
