well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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