Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
