he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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