Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
