# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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