a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
