I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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