I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
