I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
