The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
