This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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