What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
