She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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