I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
