So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
