I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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